Regret

Last week, my best friend drove under the influence of alcohol and hit a pedestrian…

I knocked on her door about a dozen times.  Finally she unlocked the door and a cloud of cigarette smoke came out from her living room outside…

She hasn’t showered for days, just chain smoked non-stop with a blank look in her eyes.

Guilt is a weird thing.

People are afraid to get their hearts broken or lose their jobs, but nothing is as devastating as regret.

Not hers.

Mine.

I dodged her phone calls for weeks.  I’m busy with school.  I’m busy with work.   She asked for my time a million times, but I didn’t have it.

Her heart was broken.  Her husband of ten years recently left her and got engaged to another woman days after their divorce was final.  I couldn’t take it.  After all I have a life.

Joni Mitchell taught us all that “you don’t know what you got ‘till it’s gone.”  I know now what she meant.

Half of my best friend was sitting on floor covered in the blanket and a cigarette in her mouth. 

It wasn’t the same person I knew and loved.  The last of joy was leaving her body, replaced by reality.

We set in silence for hours holding hands.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!” my mind and my heart were screaming in pain…

I am here…